The lecture on the importance of fact and fiction – or the dilemma of Cassandra

They said no phone for a week. Sebastian – my boyfriend – asked what to bring from home. I asked for Maman Mahin’s Qu’ran and Maman Tahereh’s Hafez. These were the two things I asked to bring before I even realised I needed more underwear now that I need to be here for a little bit longer than expected. I asked Sebastian if it would be alright for me to blog about being here, he said what do you think? I said I feel no shame in talking about it. I also said your enemies goes after your weakness, you can hit them back by truth. 

Nurses’ been friendly, though they have too much to worry about. People who know me, or even those who don’t, know I’ve been struggling a bit more recently due to a great deal of reasons. Reasons are not important. Well, I struggled a bit in the beginning, particularly being put offline and off phone and computer for an entire week, but now that I’m back on it, not much has changed. The world is quite the same. 

In the beginning it felt a bit strange. After being in exile for ten years, it felt as if I’m yet in another exile. That made it like an open wound that you pour salt on. But the American wrote something on the whiteboard the day before yesterday that was quite catching. There’s a whiteboard and everyone is welcome to write a “quote of the day”. I didn’t take it seriously until more recently. The American wrote that “to hurt someone with the truth is like taking a bitter medicine with a spoon of sugar, but to make the same person happy with a lie is like having your head up someone’s ass.”

It made some sense. The French is into mathematics, he said that “zero is a number – an absolute number. Zero is useful, just like a container. Zero contains nothing. Zero is like the air, it can be cold or hot, you can create friction in it, it can contain emotions. So nothing is everything. In life, you need both zero and one to be able to create two, so the importance of zero is everything. Without zero, there will be nothing. With zero, there will be infinity.”

They call me Mr Fact or Fiction here. I tell them “you decide”. I wiped the whiteboard yesterday and wrote something for the first time. I wrote: “To reach the truth, you need both fact and fiction, but on earth you also need to be able to distinguish one from the other.” They said it made sense. Joshua said fact or fiction? I said: fact. I told the French energy equals human being multiply fact, multiply fiction. He said it makes sense according to Einstein. 

Today, I went ahead and wrote something again on the whiteboard. No-one else even noticed. There’s a sombre mood, everyone else is home celebrating Christmas. I wrote: “The only way to make peace with a difficult past is to show forgiveness”. The South African nurse was passing by. He added: “You’d also need to be able to forgive yourself.”